Bernard, can I borrow your watch?

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I used to love that show. Enjoyed many a time after school with some rich tea biscuits or a Calippo wishing I could stop time like Bernard did. But never have I wanted that watch so badly than I have done since becoming a mum! I used to wish for it the night before an exam, but that was just childsplay. This is serious now Bernard, hand me the watch or find me Harmony’s special 50p coin so I can rub the Queen’s nose and wish for more hours in the day!

With Sophia’s wake time increasing and Oscar’s patience decreasing, I am finding I have less and less time in the day to get anything done! This usually means laundry taking the whole week to complete, spontaneous cleaning of random corners of the house at any opportunity, and the to do list getting longer, sadly. This sadness is made worse by the certainty that the corner cleaned moments ago is probably messy again now I’m at the end of this sentence, thanks Osc. I’d think you were a devil dog if you weren’t so damn cute!

I used to wake up and make a mental list of the things I wanted to do in the day. Okay so I wouldn’t always get through all of it but I’d have a decent go. Now however, in SS time (Since Sophia), I’ve learnt not to even bother with a list or in the very least to make a realistic one! It’s still considered a list with just one item on it right? I exaggerate a little.

What I mean to say is, I’ve learnt the importance of managing expectations of myself so as not to be continually disappointed!

Motherhood comes with so many challenges, and learning not to create a bigger hurdle for myself to jump over has been my biggest one yet. It dawned on me when my husband causally said one evening ‘You do make things harder for yourself you know!’ in response to a meltdown of some kind. Although it did almost cause an eruption of volcanic proportion, after calming down, I soon saw that he was right. I was putting so much pressure on myself unnecessarily and it was on these days particularly that I didn’t enjoy it, I was overwhelmed!

So what now? Now, I try to celebrate the little victories at every opportunity (cue mental Carlton dance). And I do mean little.

I am winning when I manage to keep Sophia entertained in her cot long enough to squeeze in a morning shower. When I successfully do both Sophia and Oscars morning routine AND get breakfast for myself: Win. When I pilot a walk with both of them alone: Win. When I crochet more than one row in one sitting: Win. When I eat my dinner and it’s still hot: super WIN. You get the idea!

I felt silly at first but it works! It reminds me to not be so hard on myself and I can honestly say I am enjoying being a mum so much more because of it. Sophia is happier and more relaxed too. And so is Oscar for that matter! I read a blogpost some time ago on a similar theme and this stuck with me ‘Learn to accept that unfinished is ok, unfinished is enough’.

That post was right, it IS enough. Don’t dwell on the things you haven’t done on your list. Dwell on the things or half a thing that you have done. However big or small, it is a hard earned victory. And the sooner you realise it, you’ve won already.

So Bernard, it looks like I don’t need your watch after all, I’m doing just fine without.  Carlton agrees.

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Lavinia who?

20 facts about me!

1. I like to bake and adore Mary Berry
2. I sing in the shower
3. I can spend hours watching YouTube videos on different ways to plait hair
4. I have recently discovered a love for crochet
5. I love anything duck egg blue
6. I indulge in American TV series marathons! It’s an addiction!
7. My husband is a better cook than me
8. I have a penchant for GBK milkshakes
9. I love peonies and the whimsy of baby’s breath
10. I am a self confessed dreamer – great at making lists, not so good at getting things done.
11. I hate tea and coffee – I’m a hazlenut hot chocolate kinda girl
12. Christina Aguilera – Back to Basics and Robin Thicke – The Evolution of’ are my favourite rainy day soundtracks
13. My dad buys all my sarees (and he’s bloody good at it too)
14. I got married in Florence, Tuscany, just because!
15. Nothing beats my mum’s mutton rolls
16. Good manners and politeness are essential to me – if you’re not nice to the waiter, well, you know the saying!
17. I am a little over sentimental – yes, I’m that girl who keeps cinema tickets, makes scrapbooks and takes a million photos!
18. Puppy cuddles are the best. Fact.
19. I get my inspiration for everything from my family and friends
20.The best thing I have ever done and achieved, and the hardest at that, is becoming a mum! (NB. much harder than medical school)

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A Love Letter

Being my sole motivator and supporter, I felt it only apt that my first post be about him, so…

To my husband on your first birthday as a father x

Over 11 years, we have weathered many storms together and watched several rainbows appear following but I think it’s fair to say that this past year has been our most eventful.

And I’d do it all again, as long you are right where you are, beside me.

Becoming parents has been both the hardest and best thing we have ever done. Over these last few months, no one forgets to ask how I’ve been doing or how Sophia is or even how Oscar is! But not everyone remembers you, the Geneva to the international crisis behind our front door.

So this is my way of saying, I remember. And thank you, for all these things and more.

Dear S,

Happy birthday daddy!

A year ago today, I had just told you our big news! Procrastinating from revising for a fairly important exam, I found out something that would and has changed our lives forever. Our happy accident.

I was blessed with a pretty wonderful pregnancy and I’d go as far as saying I enjoyed it, hell I kinda miss my bump a little. Reflecting on this past year, I know I enjoyed it because of you.

So here lies a multitude of forgotten or ‘not said nearly enough times’ thank you’s x

When I was with bump:

Thank you for entertaining my promise to not fall asleep after starting a movie when the pregnancy tiredness was too much to go out.

Thank you for not being mad when I did anyway at 7 minutes in.

Thank you for taking over with feeding/walking/washing Oscar when I couldn’t stand the smell of him.

Thank you for letting me nag you with no complaint when my nesting monster reared her ugly head.

Thank you for helping me create a beautiful nursery and patiently putting up the wall decal despite my dictator-esque direction.

Thank you for all the foot rubs, bubble baths, delicious homemade meals, breakfasts in bed and constant fetching of my mislaid phone/charger/laptop/remote control.

Thank you for never judging my frequent need for an Oreo milkshake and making them at home for me.

Thank you for laughing with me as I danced with Oscar to Taylor Swift’s ‘Shake it off’ at some ridiculous hour of night, just because!

Thank you for holding me when all I wanted to do was cry. And I had no real reason.

Thank you for never doubting my ability to be a mother whenever I questioned it.

During labour….

Thank you for not making a fuss when I asked for my mother to be there when that wasn’t the original plan.

Thank you for trying to feed me and keep me hydrated and play our favourite music to keep me calm.

Thank you for not taking it personally when I told you how stupid it was to try playing a Kevin Hart movie while I was in the pool.

Thank you for encouraging me to use the gas and air. And knowing when to duck when I threw it back in your direction.

Thank you for allowing me to push and pull you when the pain was too much.

Thank you for asking for the wheelchair when the midwife thought I could walk down the corridor to the high risk room fully dilated and contracting.

Thank you for never leaving my side and for welcoming our daughter into the world with me.

Thank you for giving her the most impressive head of hair and longest eyelashes in the world ever.

Thank you for being so proud of me.

And now…

Thank you for staying up countless nights with us and helping me stay calm when Breastfeeding wasn’t going very well.

Thank you for taking those beautiful and precious newborn photos of our little girl.

Thank you for looking after Sophia in the mornings so that I can shower – and for letting me have ridiculously long ones (I now live for these).

Thank you for daddy, mummy, Sophia and Oscar walkies.

Thank you for pointing out subtly that my ‘things I will get done today’ lists are unrealistic.

Thank you for not saying ‘I told you so’ when I don’t even finish point one on said list.

Thank you for never saying no when I ask for your help even when you’re busy.

Thank you for always making me feel like I’m doing a good job. Especially when I’m not.

Thank you for pretending not to notice my unwashed hair or my unthreaded brows.

Thank you for making me feel beautiful despite the above.

Thank you for always smiling and for always making Sophia smile whenever she sees you.

Thank you for making this the most wonderful chapter in our story.

Thank you for being an amazing husband, a phenomenal father and my best friend.

Happy birthday. I love you more than I ever thought possible. Here’s to even more incredible memories x

Everloving x L

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